Damaged in a Beautiful Way
by foreverlostinwonderland2013
Summary: Before everything fell to pieces, she was beautiful. Shining, happy, passionate, lovely, the light of the party. She's still beautiful. But she's damaged. Damaged in a beautiful way.
1. Break Down

Sometimes, she wishes what it'd be like to be pretty.

To be liked.. Hell, even to be loved.

She wishes what it'd be like to not feel lonely.

What it's like to be happy.

She wishes she could fall in love.

What love feels like, and how wonderful that first kiss would be when you just _know _he's the one.

What it's like to be loved back.

She wishes she felt alive again..

Before she lost her angel wings and fell in a crumpled heap to the ground, lost in the world, unable to cope.. Not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to act or how to feel anymore.

Before everything fell to pieces, she was beautiful. Shining, happy, passionate, lovely, the light of the party.

She's still beautiful.

But she's damaged.

Damaged in a beautiful way.

And that's where our story begins…

Tears poured from Lily's eyes. Her smile was gone just as fast as it had come and she was hidden behind a tree, hugging her beloved books to her chest and wishing it could all be over.

It started to rain.

Her long hair clung to her face and tangled in her hands. Her white shirt clung to her ribs and her skirt, heavy with water, drooped to the green grass. She didn't seem to notice as she screamed to the darkening sky.

Lightning struck a tree nearby.

She jumped, but didn't move from her safe haven. Thunder roared and wind blew through the trees, causing the leaves to chase each other in circles, a playful game that no one would ever win.

Not now. Not ever.

Lily prayed for the lighting to hit her, but lightning never hits the same place twice.


	2. Hold Me

She had cried herself out, screamed till she couldn't talk, and now she was shivering and probably coming down with a cold.

It didn't matter. She really didn't care.

"Lily?"

Oh god. She knew she would run into him. She froze in her tracks but didn't turn to look at him.

"Lily? Are you okay?" He sounded genuinely concerned. Lily nodded slowly, biting her lip.

He made his way to stand in front of her.

"You don't look okay, Miss Flower." In spite of herself, she smiled. She loved when he called her that. "You look like you've been crying. What's wrong?"

And she lost it again. James took her in his arms and took her to a nearby bench hidden from view. He didn't talk, he just held her and stroked her hair until she was done.

"Lily? What's wrong?" He asked gently. Lily didnt say anything.

"I just.. I dunno. I'm just sad." And she clung to him, hiding her face in his chest, breathing him in. She was glad it was late or someone would've seen them and asked questions. But it was dark and the corridors were empty so no one could see them in their corner.

"Is there anything I can do?" James asked softly. Lily was quiet.

"Just hold me." She whispered.

James squeezed tighter and Lily's heart skipped a beat.

"Okay." And he kissed her forehead, something he had never done before. Lily's cheeks went red and she smiled in spite of herself as she settled into his arms and fell asleep.

* * *

She looked peaceful. With a slight smile on her face, Lily looked peaceful in James's arms and he smiled widely. He picked her up in his arms and cradled her to his chest and carried her back to the Common Room. She nestled her hood in the nook between his neck and his shoulder. He smiled again as he sat down on the couch, Lily still in his arms.

"James.."

She was talking in her sleep.

Lily was dreaming about him. Good things. Because she was smiling.

James kissed her forehead and fell asleep with the love of his life in his arms, hoping he could help replace her sadness with happiness, even if it took a lifetime.


	3. He was Breathless

Neither James or Lily talked about the night Lily broke down in his arms, but they did become closer friends because of it. She trusted him more and tended to cling to him more than anyone else.

She liked the way he looked at her.

Like she was alive again, whole and no longer broken.

Like she was beautiful, like she had gotten her wings back.

Lily held his hand as though it was something to hold her down to the world, something stable to keep hold of, and James knew that it was just for that reason; that she was looking for nothing romantic.

Maybe someday.

They both knew that someday would come, but now was not the time.

Lily needed to heal first.

James still had a little bit of growing up to do.

Late at night, when Lily had a particularly bad nightmare, she would sneak up the stairs to where James slept and crawl in his bed and snuggle in his arms. He would hold her tight without saying a word as she fell back asleep in his arms, not waking again until morning.

Sometimes she cried for a while and he just held her tighter, whispering calming words until she fell asleep again.

By now, he was used to feeling of her body in his arms.

She fit perfectly there.

Sirius never judged, only supported and Remus thought it was sweet how James was holding back his feelings and healing Lily. Peter had nothing to say about the subject and held back, watching their odd relationship develop. They all welcomed Lily into their family.

It was all wonderful until Lily had another bad day.

It wasn't just any bad day, though. She had another breakdown, just like before. But James was gone, locked away in detention with Sirius and Remus was sick. Peter had never really talked to Lily when it came to matters like this, so Lily didn't want to go to him for help.

She went to her tree. She climbed to the tall branches and hugged the tree trunk as the rain poured down around her. Thunder was roaring and lightning was flashing in the distance, but Lily just watched a leaf struggle in the wind. Her long hair tangled in the branches around her and her legs were bleeding from the lower branches attacking them.

She knew no one would come looking for her. James and Sirius were in detention. Remus was too sick to get out of bed. Peter couldn't really care less at this point.

And she was okay with this.

She sat in the tree, hugging its trunk until her mind went blank and she heard familiar voices screaming out her name in desperation.

"LILY!" The voices were getting closer.

"LILY!" And closer.

"LILY!" Until finally, they were underneath her tree.

"Hi." She said to James blankly as he made his way up the tree.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked. His wide eyes were full of worry and fear, his voice was shaking and he was holding his hand out to her, and she saw that his hand was also shaking.

"I needed to get away." Lily said simply. James shook the wet hair out of his eyes.

"What happened?" He asked as he pulled her down.

"Nothing." She was stubborn.

She didn't want to talk about it.

James sensed that and didn't push the matter, but intended to talk about it later; she couldn't keep holding everything in like this.

Eventually, his Lily would explode and it wouldn't be just a minor episode like this.

It would be much worse.

* * *

"Sirius, can you pass the coffee?" Lily asked. Sirius smiled and obliged.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked in return as she took it, her hand grazing his as she did so.

"Okay.. I didn't have any nightmares, so that's good, I guess."

"Yeah," Remus smiled warmly. "Very good, Lily."

James pulled Lily closer and hugged her tightly. She hugged back, giggling a little when he squeezed, and got lost in the warmth and comfort and the safety that she found here. He smelled amazing and his eyes saw right through her. He knew she was lying when she said she didn't have any nightmares. She knew what he was thinking, too.

She saw the question in his eyes;

_Why didn't you come sleep with me?_

She tried to answer back;

_I didn't want to disturb you after last night. _

His eyes were pained now;

_I should've kept you with me last night anyway, I shouldn't have let you go by yourself. _

Lily put her hand over his heart and sat up a little to whisper in his ear.

"There was nothing you could do, I was fine."

"Come for a walk with me, Lily." He said quietly, standing up. She nodded and took his extended hand. "See you at lunch." James said to the guys. And they left.

"What was it about?" James asked. Lily held on tightly to his hand.

"It was really nothing, James."

"That's not true, I can tell it was bad. I see how tired you are, how little sleep you got because of it." He squeezed her hand. "What was it about?"

"Nothing."

"Lily," James stopped and pulled her down to his lap. Lily's eyes were wide, but she didn't move. "You can't keep doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Pushing me away, holding everything in. Everything's going to explode one day and, yes, I'll be there, but I won't know how to help you cos you never let me in. You have to let me help you. Sleeping with me at night to keep the nightmares away isn't the only thing I can do."

"I'm sorry." And a single tear fell from her emerald colored eyes. She hid her face in the nook between his shoulder and his neck.

"It's okay." James said softly. She leaned back and looked at him.

"James?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you doing all this for me? I mean, it's not that I don't appreciate it, cos I do, a lot, I just.. I don't understand why you are. Because after all these years, you've finally decided to grow up a little and just be my friend?"

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No." Lily smiled. "Just.. Something nice."

"Well, you need me, so.. I'm here for you." James smiled.

He kissed her forehead.

Lily froze for a moment, then got up and laid down on the grass. She patted the ground beside her for James to lay down and he smiled and shook his head.

"Please, James?"

James melted at the look she gave him and when he finally sat down he faced Lily.

Lily pushed his chest down until he was flat on the ground and she placed her head on her chest, right above his heart.

"Your heart's racing." She stated.

James could feel her smiling.

"Yeah," He grinned. "It can't possible be because I have the most beautiful girl in the world laying on my chest.."

"I don't see any other girl here." Lily said, turning to face him.

"I'm talking about you, silly girl." James poked her nose. Lily giggled.

James missed that sound, the most beautiful sound to ever reach his ears.

"Psh, you must be mistaken, James. Because I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world. Far from it, and don't argue with me, 'cos you know it's true." She smiled and stuck her tongue out, challenging him.

"You're so unbelievably stubborn." James sighed and shook his head. "You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on. You have the most enchanting eyes I've ever seen; I always get lost in them. You're beautiful. Like an angel. Your smile may be rare, but when you do, it's hard to look, because it's like the sun is radiating from your smile." James played with a stand of hair. "You're beautiful. Don't ever doubt it."

Lily blushed.

"You're beautiful when you blush. It's adorable."

"Thank.. Thank you." She took when his left hand, the one that was resting on her flat tummy, and kissed the palm of it. "You're wonderful." She kissed his wrist. "You're amazing. Lovely." She kissed his hand.

"I speak only the truth, Miss Flower." He said.

James was breathless.


End file.
